Sunday, 24 August 2014

Beijing WTF

"Never did the world make a queen of a girl who hides in houses and dreams without travelling. " --- Roman Payne, The Wanderess

I have been missing for 2 months. Right after I arrived back in Malaysia from Germany, I clicked "pay" on AirAsia website. You're welcome, Mr. Fernandes.

Before I realised, I was already in Beijing, all alone. The feeling of being alone in a foreign country didn't hit me until I walked out of the airport and the sky was bright at 4am in the morning.


Before I flew to Beijing, I didn't prepare anything. I just threw a pile of toiletries and clothes into my luggage. I didn't read about the transport. I didn't know how far the airport is from the city. I didn't even book my accomodation.

But thank goodness for Sophia, who is my buddy in China and briefed me a lot about how Beijing works. Sophia is LITERALLY my saviour. Thanks to her I didn't have to stone in airport for hours and ask people what to do.
This is the usually glamorous Sophia captured unglam for a while HAHA I'm sorry Sophia I've betrayed you for uploading this photo.

She gets excited whenever she sees spicy pot. The excitement was contagious. Later on, I spent a large portion of my money on eating spicy pot in Beijing everyday. I nearly ran out of money after a month LOL.

Well, I spent most of my time in Beijing doing um.. Eating. Sleeping. Taking my good long time settling my toilet business. Summer school for a while. And occasionally travelling.20140810_052238000_iOS20140728_08201220140726_153237
OMGGG I look like a Plain Jane with flat eyes and flat nose. or worse. Edward Cullen. Someone please teach me how to apply makeups on my button face.


After a while, even Arvin flew over to join the fun in Beijing. Kidding, he just misses me too much LOL
As you all know, my Indian boyfriend is a super poser who has fetish for tight fitting shirts.IMG_4304IMG_4307
I totally cannot compete with him whenever it comes to posing. #notalentproblem

I went to Beijing with Peking University AIESEC to work at Beijing LGBT Center, which is better known as the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transexual Center. And by staying in 706 youth space, I got to work as an Emcee for English corner, giving a couple of talks and maintaining diplomatic relationships of PKU with St. Gallen University from Switzerland. Got this job opportunity just because I speak Chinese and English and 2 words of German HAHA!mmexport1408643327603

Proud of myself because after the 2 talks I gave, quite a number of people actually asked for my name card. Many others contacted 706 space owner and send me emails to invite me over for talks in other NGOs! I'm not boasting la hahahaha wtf but I feel extremely honoured that my speeches and my values actually inspired and moved people!

First of all, I would like to clarify that I'm totally, completely heterosexual. I have Arvin and I love him. Well now. People always ask why, while working and fighting for homosexual equal rights, I still always trying to clarify that I'm not homosexual. People think that after all, I still judge them and categorise them differently. I strongly disagree to this. During talks, campaigns and interviews, I always state this very firmly because I want everyone to know that we DON'T have to be homosexuals to help homosexuals.

We only need to be human to love and help each other.

That we are not actually just helping homosexuals. Precisely, we are fighting for equal rights for people who deserve equality. And this is not just about the homosexuals. This is also for all the rape victims, abused women, abused children, disabled citizens and so on.mmexport1408892410295
The most important lesson I have learnt being in China for 2 months is to love ourself, to know our value and never to compare. I was very honoured to have a chance to be close to the homosexuals not as individuals, but as a society. As a human rights fighter, I have always wanted to have an insight like this.

However, things weren't too bright when I just arrived in Beijing. Our center manager was invited for "tea" sessions a few times by the police and local government. Well, human rights issues have always been A HUGE DEAL in China so my workload later on was extremely reduced. I was even warned to not talk seditiously during speeches. Therefore besides many local activities, I only did an interview and managed to help some homosexuals put together a video on promoting awareness!

Catch my interview on YouKu!

Now, I know there are religions who are against homosexuality. I have met even a few who think that killing homosexuals should be legal. But try to think it this way. Although a religion may be against homosexuality, although you may not acknowledge their existence, a religion would still want you to love them despite their faults. Homosexuality is something some people are born with. Most of the time you can't change it. It's the same as being born as a limbless person. We can't make them grow their legs out of nothing.

Today, overall it doesn't suck too much to be a homosexual because the time is entering an era where people are becoming more accepting. Instead, it's sad to be their parents because many were born to a relatively close-minded society.

Some older homosexuals who came out of the closets have parents who still couldn't accept their sexuality even after they died. A parent with homosexual child once told us something unforgettable, "Ultimately, if your parent couldn't accept you for being gay, let it go and just remember to always live your way happily".

I hope that being a Malaysian and spreading the message to defend our rights can help not just these socially marginised individuals, but also enable me to bring home some knowledge and experiences.


When I just arrived in Beijing, it took me a while to actually adapt to the society. While the people in 706 space were extremely friendly, what puzzled me was how the society reacts to unusual circumstances, which was totally the opposite of the attitude of the friends in 706 space. The society is so cold! As a girl who come from tropical Malaysia Truly Asia where people are kind and passionate, I smile a lot to strangers who I make eye contact with.

Firstly, in China, apparently it's not known that long and disrupting stares are actually IMPOLITE! Whenever I speak English to anyone, people around me just STARE the whole way. Even after I stop talking, I can still feel all the stares at my butt. Well, I mean, it's okay to be interested and stare at foreigners but not like 100 pairs of eyes at the same time. Besides, when I turn my head to smile at them, they would look away. Then when I turn my head back, all of them stare again =.= It makes me feel as if my button falls wide open or I have my pants burst open at the back WTF makes me check my pants every single time.

Then another thing about the Chinese is that they don't say sorry, or thank you. And they like to cut queue. Of course, not all are like this! But everytime I'm in a line I tend to get cut a lot. Either that or people love pushing from the back as they most probably have no sense of personal space, or they just don't care. I started scolding people a lot there, well, professionally. Most of the times they listened.

My worst nightmare is to actually take the subway during the peak hours in the morning. People just love to push. While I understand that everyone is rushing to work, it doesn't take any effort to walk into the train accordingly. Once in the afternoon I was in the train and when the door opened, an old man who stood beside the door was pushed so hard from the back that he fell onto the platform. He shouted. The crowd heard and saw but just continued walking past him across the platform.

I certainly didn't see this scenario during my time in France, UK and US.IMG_20140729_142112
Then another day when I was cycling, a old lady across the street was holding a bag full of apples. Suddenly the bag just bursted and all the apples rolled onto the street. People looked, mothers stared and explained to their kids what happened. But nobody stopped to help her pick any of it. After stopping to help her pick some up, I quickly rushed to my bicycle to cycle away because I just couldn't get over how invisible it appears to be, for the society. I cried my way back to the hostel.IMG_20140728_230313
I slowly learned that this isn't just the problem of conformity or the lack of bystander intervention. I have long heard about how after kind people help the old folks up after they fall, the old folks actually tried to sue them, claiming that the kind people were the ones who pushed them. After a long run, the bridge of trust just breaks among the society. This is kind of sad.

Besides, it's also obvious that the effect of the Cultural Revolution remains. During this revolution, the intellectuals, religious, businessmen and even those in possess of books and cultural remains were either imprisoned or executed. To avoid being executed, many people tried to hide their identity because the lesser the society knows about you, the better. Everybody had secret and kept it away from the world. As time goes by, the trust in the society vanished.

While lamenting about the shitty society, something very radiant about the friendships I have there came to light. Chinese make the kind of friends that would pick you up willingly and quickly whenever you sink in shits. They are not the typical friends that appear so sweet whenever you meet them but after some time, they show their true colours and only prove to be hi-bye friends. For the Chinese, when given time, they treat you with sincerity and would do anything within their power to meet up with you, lend you money, help you book train tickets, etc etc.

They are very loyal. They don't backstab. They never sneer. And most of all, they ALWAYS have my back for me!

In a way, I find them very pure, innocent and sincere.
Well by reading this it's obvious that I was in deep shit in Beijing LOL. Here's to celebrate all the most valuable bonds I have gained and made in Beijing.

After all that I have gained in Beijing for 2 months, I did sit down very frequently to think and actually ask God(I'm a semi-atheist/deist who thinks that the light in me may be Jesus) why He gave me this ultimately unique yet contradicting way to see and experience the world. I know He has his answers. I just don't know what it is yet.

Pouring with memories, I wrote some farewell words for my friends. Then I left to Inner Mongolia, all alone, heavy with emotions. mmexport1408892274141

#nowplaying I got my mind made up and I can't let go!


  1. nice write up . Enjoyed reading your thoughts and pictures that you have penned and pasted down on e-paper. =)

  2. Thank you so much for reading haha! Am glad that you enjoyed my random pieces of thoughts simply strung together :D

  3. sometimes,, things do get out better when one does it randomly. =)